I've stared at this blank page and blinking curser, taunting me to pour my heart out. But where do I even start?! I've written, deleted, re-written again. I've walked away and come back to this screen more times than I can count.
Let's just get this part over with.
I'm stepping away from Birth Photography for a while. Not forever. I need a break.
Whew. There I said it. It's out there, announced to the masses to hold me accountable.
Now for the why. Not that you care to know, but I hope this is an anthem, an invitation to others struggling with the same battle I've fought, literally the last 12 months. I hope you feel a sisterhood of solidarity that you aren't alone: In your all consuming guilt, your self doubt, your regret, your passion to do great things and make a difference in the world, your desire to prove something to yourself and the masses, your hopes of being the wife and mother you always saw yourself to be, the successful businesswoman you've fought nearly a decade to become, THE FEAR of making the wrong/right decisions. You aren't alone in this battle. And it's ok to walk away, even like me, at the peak of my career... I'm saying, enough... for now.
In 2013 I wrote a blog called I Just Had to Let it Go. It was the blog that announced I was walking away from weddings. Again for my family. Every Saturday I was shooting a wedding was a Saturday I was missing with my then 2 year old. When I walked away from weddings, it was easy. The Lord spoke that truth into my heart, and I came home and wrote that blog. The words flowed freely and clearly. It was kind of like breaking up with the jerk ex-boyfriend that you were glad to get rid of. But this time. I've been negotiating with the Lord, trying to convince Him of what I wanted. Because I love birth. I love every bit of what I do. Walking away from something you love is naturally a bazillion times harder.
I had already shot a couple of births in the years prior to 2013, and around the same time I walked away from weddings, I distinctly and naively remember thinking to myself, "I'm going to specialize in birth. I mean there can't be that many people that "get" this or even want it." There was no one really doing it on any sort of consistent basis, meaning no one was specializing in it, and my marketing brain saw an opportunity to grow the genre here in Columbus. Had you told me back in 2013 I would be where I am today, I would've laughed in your face. I took on birth photography to slow down, and have more time with my family. Bahahahahahaha...... ahahahahahahaha...... Believe me the irony isn't lost on me.