Before I jump into this birth story, I just wanted to vent for a second. While searching for “family” quotes, or “definition of family” phrases last night to couple with this slide show, I was beyond frustrated with the so called definitions. Most specifically the part that insist that a family must all be living under one roof, or must look a certain way, and be comprised of specific individuals. I’m sorry Webster, and every other inspirational meme I came across, that’s not family. And it’s definitely not this family. 

So what IS family? I think it looks different for a lot of people. And for Leslie and Michael, they have adopted Jessara and now Jaylie. They have an open adoption with these girl’s birth mother Caitlin. They are in California, and she is in Georgia. As far as I can tell that isn’t everyone living under one roof. That isn’t just one mother and one father. These kiddos happen to have two mother’s that love them unconditionally. And a plethora of family and friends that love them between two oceans, dedicated to giving these girls the best.

Can you imagine the love Caitlin had to have to hope for a better life for her daughters?! Can you imagine the love Leslie and Michael have for these girls they have longed for? Love doesn’t always look the same, but in both ways, these girls parents both biological and adoptive LOVE them. Unconditionally. Selflessly. Beautifully.

I was honored to shoot Jessara’s birth in December of 2014, and beyond humbled to be asked back into these families lives to capture the birth of Jaylie this summer.

I choked back tears more times than I can count this day. As Leslie supported Caitlin through an unexpected c-section, while understandably being nervous herself. Tears again as both moms laid eyes on and held their daughter for the first time. Tears, as Leslie cried on the phone with Michael letting him know Jaylie was here and safe. Massive, take your breath away, time stands still kind of tears as Caitlin saw Jessara for the first time in nearly 18 months.

Inspired, by this kind of love would be an understatement. Grateful to witness the birth and growth of all families, no matter what that looks like!

Love in it’s most perfectly, imperfect state. 

In over 100 births, I finally got to see a baby be born en caul. This happens with the bag of waters is left alone or doesn’t rupture before birth and the baby is born with some of the membrane covering a newborn’s head and face. Birth with a caul is rare, occurring in fewer than 1 in 80,000 births. The caul is harmless and is immediately removed by the physician or midwife upon delivery of the child. (source wikipedia).

Many cultures through history view en caul births as “lucky”, some believed it would bring fertility, protection from drowning, thus being prized and sought out by sailors, other’s saw it as a form of supernatural protection. Needless to say regardless of folklore, it’s a rare honor to witness a birth like this.

I call my self the PG rated birth photographer so there won’t be an image of this moment, but It was thrilling to see not only for myself but for the momma, Lori, as well as the attending midwife.

Lori was the epitome of grace and strength… I am often taken aback as I watch women become mothers, and men becoming fathers, and kiddos becoming siblings. This family now has 3 gorgeous girls to love on. And goodness, were the older sisters SO excited to see their newest personal baby doll. 

This weekend I was the victim of blatant intellectual property theft. The most brazen example of copyright infringement I’ve personally had the “pleasure” of dealing with. My weekend was spent contacting lawyers, collecting evidence, and researching copyright laws.

If you know me personally, or have any sort of online relationship with me, you know one thing to be true. I GIVE. I give of my time. I give of my knowledge. I give of my heart. I GIVE. I can’t tell you how many emails I get weekly from all over the country, heck even internationally… asking for advice: Is this a good camera? This lens is on sale, should I buy it? What gear do you use? What were your settings in this photo? How did you get started? What advice to do have for someone starting out? Do you offer mentoring sessions? I personally meet for coffee dates with local photographers to build relationships, and strengthen our community of creatives. I get questions that aren’t even about photography. I take the time to answer late night texts about my clients and their breastfeeding journey. Why is he crying after he nurses? Is this normal, is that normal? What did you do when your baby _____?  I often take several minutes looking for links or helpful information that I can pass on to them. Or I just give of my time and listen, and pray with them. I answer their calls and cries while they navigate the trenches of new parenthood.

Now think of the HOURS I spend GIVING myself to others. Unpaid. And I LOVE doing it. It’s what gives me pleasure. It’s what the Lord has called me to do. To fully love and give of myself to others. To love others wholly. And I do. And I will continue to. Nothing will stop that, and there’s nothing any individual can do to jade my heart into being selfish with my giving. The Lord has fully given to me, and blessed my life beyond measure. Therefore I will fully give of myself, and praise His name for these blessings. 

But I will tell you this. Because I do all of the above, if someone steals from me, I simply will not sit idly by and do nothing. It is ILLEGAL. 

Nicola Tesla, said it perfectly: ” I don’t care that they stole my idea, I care that they didn’t have any of their own”.

We can argue that there is no originality left in this world, which in some ways is true. We are constantly taking in life’s experiences and interpreting them through our own mind’s eye. Something you see triggers a chain reaction of thought and emotion, and on the other side you create. You output those experiences, into words, into art, into music, into how you live your life. Or at least that’s how it should be. You don’t take the lazy way of either stealing or doing what someone else did because it was successful for them. What is successful for me, may not be what is successful for you. I can promise you this, you find what YOU are passionate about. You look inside YOUR heart and ask how you can interpret that passion into art… there is where you will find your success. You keep chasing someone else’s coat tails, and the only thing you can consume from that vantage point are their leftover crumbs. 

I’ve had more “coincidentally” “inspired” photographers walking a fine line between inspiration and theft come into my life in the last 4 months than I care to mention. I’ve had friends tell me: “Don’t worry, their clients aren’t your clients.” Or, “Replication is the finest form of flattery.” Or “Yeah, but their work isn’t as good as yours”. And while the rational side of my brain agrees with them. The artist in me wants to simultaneously scream and cry at the same time. Scream out of sheer frustration. And cry because I wish they could truly find their passion. As an artist, I want that for others. To be as happy as I am in my career. And as someone who has been doing this way longer than them, tell them will full honesty and grace, that they won’t find that happiness as long as they’re chasing someone else’s success. 

I’ve had someone steal WORD FOR WORD, memories I wrote of the birth of my own children and tried to pass those memories off as their own. Can you imagine my heart, seeing those words on someone else’s website?! I’ve had someone steal my entire business model, literally shoot for shoot/session for session. I’ve had people steal my watermark. I could go on an on. 

99.9% of the time I see these things, and I let them roll off my back and move on. Because in order to be successful you can’t let these futile frustrations drag you down. But I say this as a cautionary tale to anyone reading this, nationally, internationally, or local. If you steal, most of the time you will be caught. TRUE artists are looking out for each other, they have your back, and they want to protect the industry. Heck, I had two photographer friends in different parts of the country contact me about the lady who copied my pricing and birth content off of my website. She removed it, but only after my lawyer sent her a cease and desist accompanied by a demand letter with an invoice for the use of my words she used for over 6 months.

I give grace. I give understanding. I give patience. I give leniency. I GIVE. But I won’t tolerate stealing. And I will pursue legal action when needed. And I encourage other artists to do the same. This is our livelihood. This is how we provide for our families. How we feed our children, put clothes on their backs, and send them to school. This job at least for me, is about honoring the gifts the Lord has given me and try to use this platform as a mini-ministry. This job, at least for me, is a way to show my children they can be successful if they work hard. This job is a way to show my daughter she can be a wife, a mother, and have a career too. This job pays for my children to go to school. I do this NOT to make money to buy fancy things. I do this NOT to support spending habits. I do this to honor the Lord and my family. I do this because it’s my passion and I would do it for free. 

Find YOUR passion. Find YOUR path. Put in the TIME… lasting success doesn’t happen quickly. I’ve been at this for over 7 years (and that by other’s standards is still in it’s infancy). Do those things and you will find YOUR success.

And if you feel inspired by someone, reach out and let them know. Taking the time with such a simple gesture will bless their day more than you can imagine. 

Well, it finally happened. My little utopia bubble was burst. After 5 years in birth photography, over 100+ births, and it finally happened, or at least I finally saw it happen firsthand. One of my clients was shamed and judged on Facebook. It was blatant. It was obvious. If anyone knew my client, and saw the post you knew exactly who was being spoken of. In that moment, my heart broke. It shattered into a million tiny pieces. It shattered not only for my client, and how her heart must have felt reading those words that ripped through her happiness, but it shattered my heart for not understanding where judgement like that can come from.

My job is to document your life. Webster’s definition says “something (as a photograph or a recording) that serves as evidence or proof”. And to truly document something, means to not alter what is in front of you. In order to do that, I have to, to the best of my ability leave all bias and judgement at the door. Again, in the over 100+ births I have photographed, I have had all kinds of women hire me, with all kinds of backgrounds, and birth plans. Some come in wanting a natural unmedicated birth, some want elective c-sections, some want to home birth, some want elective inductions, some want no interventions at all, some want to eat their placenta, some come decked out with their hair and make up done, some haven’t shaved in weeks because they can’t reach their legs, some are married, some are single moms….. you get where I’m going here. They are all different. And guess what? I have an opinion. Guess what else? I KEEP IT TO MYSELF. You think I agree with every single decision each of my 100+ birth clients have made? No, not even close. But what I have done, is loved them. I have supported them. I have made them feel like the goddesses they are during delivery. In all my years, there hasn’t been one mother, NOT ONE, that wasn’t at her most beautiful during labor. Some of them have had sweat, tears, and mascara running down their cheeks, other’s have looked glamorous without a hair out of place on their head, but dammit if they weren’t all gorgeous. 

Also, a word to anyone out there thinking, “Well, when I have kids I’ll never…” or “When I have kids I’m going to…” Just don’t. Don’t. I can tell you now, that foot in your mouth doesn’t taste so grand. I’ve been there. We all have. One statement I put my foot in my mouth over, “I’ll never bribe my kids to get them to do what I ask…” guess who is the QUEEN of bribery. Cause, wait for it… wait for it… we are all doing the best we can to make it through life. Parenting is hard. Being a mother is hard. Being a woman is HARD. We don’t need to make it harder by judging each other.

My friends, it takes no effort to be kind. It takes no effort to love. Yet in a moment, in an unsolicited opinion, you can break a spirit effortlessly. And all for what?!

So ladies and gentlemen, Ker-Fox Photography will continue to be a judgement free zone. I welcome all mommas, all shapes and sizes, all quirks and nuances, all birthing desires… You wanna munch that placenta, you go girl! You wanna ride the quiet waves of Hypnobabies, rock on with your meditating self! You wanna look like you’re ready to walk the runway with the rest of the Victoria Secret Angels, you do you boo! I salute you in your uniqueness!

You’re all beautiful goddesses who deserve to labor in whatever way makes you comfortable and confident! I’ve got nothing but love waiting on you! xo