Well, it finally happened. My little utopia bubble was burst. After 5 years in birth photography, over 100+ births, and it finally happened, or at least I finally saw it happen firsthand. One of my clients was shamed and judged on Facebook. It was blatant. It was obvious. If anyone knew my client, and saw the post you knew exactly who was being spoken of. In that moment, my heart broke. It shattered into a million tiny pieces. It shattered not only for my client, and how her heart must have felt reading those words that ripped through her happiness, but it shattered my heart for not understanding where judgement like that can come from.
My job is to document your life. Webster’s definition says “something (as a photograph or a recording) that serves as evidence or proof”. And to truly document something, means to not alter what is in front of you. In order to do that, I have to, to the best of my ability leave all bias and judgement at the door. Again, in the over 100+ births I have photographed, I have had all kinds of women hire me, with all kinds of backgrounds, and birth plans. Some come in wanting a natural unmedicated birth, some want elective c-sections, some want to home birth, some want elective inductions, some want no interventions at all, some want to eat their placenta, some come decked out with their hair and make up done, some haven’t shaved in weeks because they can’t reach their legs, some are married, some are single moms….. you get where I’m going here. They are all different. And guess what? I have an opinion. Guess what else? I KEEP IT TO MYSELF. You think I agree with every single decision each of my 100+ birth clients have made? No, not even close. But what I have done, is loved them. I have supported them. I have made them feel like the goddesses they are during delivery. In all my years, there hasn’t been one mother, NOT ONE, that wasn’t at her most beautiful during labor. Some of them have had sweat, tears, and mascara running down their cheeks, other’s have looked glamorous without a hair out of place on their head, but dammit if they weren’t all gorgeous.
Also, a word to anyone out there thinking, “Well, when I have kids I’ll never…” or “When I have kids I’m going to…” Just don’t. Don’t. I can tell you now, that foot in your mouth doesn’t taste so grand. I’ve been there. We all have. One statement I put my foot in my mouth over, “I’ll never bribe my kids to get them to do what I ask…” guess who is the QUEEN of bribery. Cause, wait for it… wait for it… we are all doing the best we can to make it through life. Parenting is hard. Being a mother is hard. Being a woman is HARD. We don’t need to make it harder by judging each other.
My friends, it takes no effort to be kind. It takes no effort to love. Yet in a moment, in an unsolicited opinion, you can break a spirit effortlessly. And all for what?!
So ladies and gentlemen, Ker-Fox Photography will continue to be a judgement free zone. I welcome all mommas, all shapes and sizes, all quirks and nuances, all birthing desires… You wanna munch that placenta, you go girl! You wanna ride the quiet waves of Hypnobabies, rock on with your meditating self! You wanna look like you’re ready to walk the runway with the rest of the Victoria Secret Angels, you do you boo! I salute you in your uniqueness!
You’re all beautiful goddesses who deserve to labor in whatever way makes you comfortable and confident! I’ve got nothing but love waiting on you! xo